The summary of conclusions from a high dollar sexual harassment investigation about Mike Ramos makes one point that was overlooked by the main stream media. It confirmed that Ramos did in fact have an affair of long duration with one of his subordinates. Although, Ramos has repeatedly denied that any such affair took place, the investigation has proved otherwise.
This affair is one of over a dozen that were revealed in an Article published in the Sentinel Newspaper and subsequently augmented by others in blog postings. To date not a single allegation has been unfounded. Assuming that the numerous affairs are true, then what can you conclude about the District Attorney of San Bernardino County? Is he a sex addict? It would certainly appear so. It would also appear that he is not only a serial adulterer but a serial liar as well.
Let’s examine the issues.
The term “sexual addiction” is used to describe the behavior of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or an obsession with sex. Sex and the thought of sex tend to dominate the sex addict’s thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships.
Sex addicts engage in distorted thinking, often rationalizing and justifying their behavior and blaming others for problems. They generally deny they have a problem and make excuses for their actions.
Sexual addiction also is associated with risk-taking. A person with a sex addiction engages in various forms of sexual activity, despite the potential for negative and/or dangerous consequences. In addition to damaging the addicts relationships and interfering with his or her work and social life, a sexual addiction also puts the person at risk for emotional and physical injury.
Behaviors associated with sexual addiction include:
Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation) Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs) Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands Unsafe sex Phone or computer sex (Cybersex) Prostitution or use of prostitutes Exhibitionism Voyeurism (watching others) and/or stalking Sexual harassment
Generally, a person with a sex addiction gains little satisfaction from the sexual activity and forms no emotional bond with his or her sex partners. In addition, the problem of sex addiction often leads to feelings of guilt and shame. A sex addict also feels a lack of control over the behavior, despite negative consequences (financial, health, social, and emotional).
How is sexual addiction treated?
Most sex addicts live in denial of their addiction, and treating an addiction is dependent on the person accepting and admitting that he or she has a problem.
In many cases, it takes a significant event—such as the loss of a job, the break-up of a marriage, an arrest, or health crisis—to force the addict to admit to his or her problem.
Promiscuity, Infidelity, and Meaningless Sex
A promiscuous person has meaningless sexual encounters with numerous people.
The promiscuous person doesn’t even make the effort to create any kind of loyal relationship. To him or her, people are interchangeable bodies. As one promiscuous person told me, “I don’t want to be stuck with just one flavor of ice cream.” He wasn’t kidding. To him, people were just different flavors to be sampled and discarded.
Infidelity occurs when someone in a committed relationship is unfaithful to his or her partner. In the context of sexual addiction, the unfaithful person might be promiscuous or might be unfaithful with only one person. But the underlying emotions behind the unfaithful activity are the same: sex without intimacy or emotional involvement. (Note: if the infidelity involves an emotional affair based on a real connection, it might not be addictive behavior.)
What makes infidelity worse than promiscuity or meaningless sex with one person is the lying and dishonesty that accompanies the unfaithful acts. Ask any person who’s been victimized by infidelity and they will tell you, “The lying and betrayal hurt more than the unfaithful sex.”
The unfaithful person needs to go beyond just sex addiction. He or she needs to deal with honesty issues also.