The summary of conclusions from a high dollar sexual harassment investigation about Mike Ramos makes one point that was overlooked by the main stream media. It confirmed that Ramos did in fact have an affair of long duration with one of his subordinates. Although, Ramos has repeatedly denied that any such affair took place, the investigation has proved otherwise.
This affair is one of over a dozen that were revealed in an Article published in the Sentinel Newspaper and subsequently augmented by others in blog postings. To date not a single allegation has been unfounded. Assuming that the numerous affairs are true, then what can you conclude about the District Attorney of San Bernardino County? Is he a sex addict? It would certainly appear so. It would also appear that he is not only a serial adulterer but a serial liar as well.
Let’s examine the issues.
Sexual Addiction
Introduction
The term “sexual addiction” is used to describe the behavior of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or an obsession with sex. Sex and the thought of sex tend to dominate the sex addict’s thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships.
Sex addicts engage in distorted thinking, often rationalizing and justifying their behavior and blaming others for problems. They generally deny they have a problem and make excuses for their actions.
Sexual addiction also is associated with risk-taking. A person with a sex addiction engages in various forms of sexual activity, despite the potential for negative and/or dangerous consequences. In addition to damaging the addicts relationships and interfering with his or her work and social life, a sexual addiction also puts the person at risk for emotional and physical injury.
Behaviors associated with sexual addiction include:
Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation) Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs) Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands Unsafe sex Phone or computer sex (Cybersex) Prostitution or use of prostitutes Exhibitionism Voyeurism (watching others) and/or stalking Sexual harassment
Generally, a person with a sex addiction gains little satisfaction from the sexual activity and forms no emotional bond with his or her sex partners. In addition, the problem of sex addiction often leads to feelings of guilt and shame. A sex addict also feels a lack of control over the behavior, despite negative consequences (financial, health, social, and emotional).
How is sexual addiction treated?
Most sex addicts live in denial of their addiction, and treating an addiction is dependent on the person accepting and admitting that he or she has a problem.
In many cases, it takes a significant event—such as the loss of a job, the break-up of a marriage, an arrest, or health crisis—to force the addict to admit to his or her problem.
Promiscuity, Infidelity, and Meaningless Sex
A promiscuous person has meaningless sexual encounters with numerous people.
The promiscuous person doesn’t even make the effort to create any kind of loyal relationship. To him or her, people are interchangeable bodies. As one promiscuous person told me, “I don’t want to be stuck with just one flavor of ice cream.” He wasn’t kidding. To him, people were just different flavors to be sampled and discarded.
Infidelity occurs when someone in a committed relationship is unfaithful to his or her partner. In the context of sexual addiction, the unfaithful person might be promiscuous or might be unfaithful with only one person. But the underlying emotions behind the unfaithful activity are the same: sex without intimacy or emotional involvement. (Note: if the infidelity involves an emotional affair based on a real connection, it might not be addictive behavior.)
What makes infidelity worse than promiscuity or meaningless sex with one person is the lying and dishonesty that accompanies the unfaithful acts. Ask any person who’s been victimized by infidelity and they will tell you, “The lying and betrayal hurt more than the unfaithful sex.”
The unfaithful person needs to go beyond just sex addiction. He or she needs to deal with honesty issues also.
This is an excellent article and it it goes a long way in explaining Ramos behavior. If the BOS hides the full report on Ramos from the public they are enabling his behavior and they are responsible for any future victimizations. He needs treatment. They should deal with this sickness and stop worrying about if he is going to arrest one or more of them.
We should all pray for the women in the DA’s Office. Since Ramos fired Grover Merritt, everyone is afraid to speak up. This place is unbearable. BOS please help us!
I agree with DA Insider,the article is spot on. And while you are praying for the women in the DA office, pray for me too as I seem to be the only one with courage to come forward with the truth about my relationship with Mike. I have been accused of lying, being political motiviated for coming forward. I can assure you that I am not lying nor am “politically motivated”. Coming forward cost me alot. My job, my so called friends have abandoned me, financially since LWOP dosnt pay a dime, my benefits were taken away, not to mention the effect this has had on my wonderful husband, who has stood by my side through this whole ordeal. There have been some good that has come of all this though. I am stronger in my faith and believe that the truth will eventually prevail. I have also been allowed to spend precious time with my girls that I would not have been allowed if I were still working in that office. I never wanted this relationship to ever be public knowledge. Mike had the power to stop all this and tell the truth, but as your article points out the truth is the farthest thing from his mind. If the BOS succeed in protecting Mike and all of their failings, then you need to pray for a renewal in the BOS positions as they have not once considered really doing the right thing. Neil Derry, I am convinced, is the one and only honest Supervisor. I know that he truly cares for his people that he serves. Truth will set you free, free indeed.
Cheryl, thanks for having the courage to speak out. A lot of people are wondering what Ramos told you about his wife. Did he say he was leaving her? Did he tell you that he loved you? Did he approach you first? Did he seek you out to continue the relationship after you broke it off? Did he talk to you about other women that he had been with? I don’t think the public knows all of the facts and so you have received a lot of unkind words that are unfair in my opinion.
From the moment Mike and I met, he told me that he was getting a divorce. Eventually, I think to keep me around superficial “love feelings” were expressed. I had at that time one “good friend” who knew about my relationship with Mike and she repetitively told me he was lying and was a cheater. I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt. He did approach me first at a very public conference in Lake Arrowhead in 2003. He pursued me the following Monday while I was at work, he called me to say he wanted to continue to see me. I finally ended the relationship in Feb 2005. He continued to pursue me. I rebuffed him gently,but his act of total disrespct was when I was told that a lump in my breast possibly was cancer so I was scheduled and had a lumpectomy, begnign thank God. He heard that I was diagnosed and asked to see me, as a friend, after work one day. I met him in his office and he approached me and as he grabbed my breasts, and he mumbled to me “that it would such a shame to lose such magnificent breasts and could he caress them and suck on my nipples one more time before my surgery?.” Well, I felt disgusted and left his office. He still continued to make contact with me. I guess he forgot that county cell phones have records. Idiot.He did confide to me that he had an affair with another woman, he named her, but I wont bring her name to this forum. Needless to say all of this information and much,much more was given to the Investigators during their interviews. Hopefully that report will be released to the public. Then maybe some of the harsh words will stop coming my way.
What kind of a poor excuse for a man is this cad? Why does his wife put up with this? Both of them need counseling. The sooner the better. As for you Cheryl, hang in there. The truth will set you free. The “I am getting a divorce” lie is number one in the inventory of the serial adulterer. Ramos isn’t getting a divorce because his wife has too much money. That’s the only reason he stays and the fact that she would get half of his retirement. If she ever did get the courage to end this farce of a relationship he would be secretly relieved. That way he could really become a player. If the woman had any self respect she would have left him years ago. She knows about all of this, she just like most women who are abused and lied too. They are trapped by incredible low self esteem.
The one thing I notice not in the list is bestiality. I think that would have to be included to cover the purported affairs with some of the, uh, substantial, women in the office. I also think that getting busted for doing off the job activities while on the job is not substantial evidence of harassment. As much as I would like this attack to be meaningful and damaging to an individual I feel is not fit for the office, it has really digressed into a vendetta, not an illustration of misconduct.
Again, before the slings are slung, I look forward to the public repudiation of any elected official that has no business being in the office they hold. Many county outsiders have no idea of the impunity of Mikey. I don’t think this method of attack is working.
Unwilling…you obviously have a hard on for me as you seem to attack me personally every time you open your mouth and put it on er..paper. Why dont you have the balls and post with your real name or better yet give me a call and reveal yourself. I guess you think you know me and my situation with Mike. Well, I hate to disgust you any further but MIKEY LOVES FAT WOMEN.
Unwilling, sadly I think you are right. Most of the elected officials in our county secretly admire his exploits. The more they hear the more they wish they were getting as much action. That is the sick mentality of our leadership. That attitude is why they will not take action to stop him. This kind of exploitation of women has to stop. I am not so sure what you are implying, but certain women are certainly easier to bed. They are usually the weakest and most vulnerable. That should not make them fair game for a sexual predator.
Cheryl I applaud your courage. Those friends you speak of, were never your friends, don’t worry about that one.
I would also agree with DA Insider’s analogy 100%, seen that first hand.
Cheryl, I too applaud your courage. You are exposing the truth.
I agree with insider. Ovitt and Kirk actually worship Ramos. I hear that they both have signed pictures of Ramos hanging over their desks.
Cheryl is a courageous woman indeed. I am sure the $140,000 investigation was thorough and complete but Kirk, Ovitt and the unscroupolous Stringer asked for a report that only details a tiny part of the overall investigation. One which they could spin to clear the pervert. But even Frank Pine knows the 3 page bogus Stringer memo is just a coverup in order to clear the pervert. That is why Ramos referred the charges to the FPPC instead of charging these criminals with a crime. Totally unethical.
We will see what Ovitt does. If he keeps the coverup going and wont make Ramos step down the papers and the voters will barbeque him. And from that day forward we will all know what a phony hypocrite he really is. Kirk is just a common scumball. He will rot in hell like his buddy Ramos.
My SEBA buds says there was a post about Fats Abernathy but I cant Find it. dID it get deleted?
Okay, to start with, I’m not defending Mike Ramos in any way, shape, or form because to me, he’s nothing but a pig abusing his position.
But, if this was really retaliation in the work place, sexual harassment, or any of the other claims you’ve made, Cheryl, you should have never gone to the press about it at Derry’s, Erwins, and/or Lamberto’s prompting and should have gone straight to an attorney instead. Expecting County HR and/or Neil Derry to come to your aide in this situation and advice you regarding it was a huge mistake and very naive of you. The way you’ve handled this matter by going to the press and airing all your details about this relationship hasn’t exactly put you in a good light and questions your credibility in the matter. I think it also shows a total disregard and lack of respect for your husband.
If Derry or the others were really looking out for your best interests, he/they would have told you–Get an attorney. I’m not saying Mike Ramos is innocent, by any means, but he told you upfront, “I’m denying it and I expect you to also.” There was your big red flag! You had to know the political machine you were going up against. How you could have expected a different outcome than what you’re getting is beyond me.
If you have a valid case and/or an attorney handling this matter, I don’t think he or she would approve of you discussing it in a public forum such as a blog. Most people who have an attorney are advised to simply say, “I’m not at liberty to discuss the matter because it’s ongoing through the court.”
I have to agree with Unwilling in that your handling of this matter has turned it into more of a vendetta than anything. You’ve said that yourself with your, “I just wanted him to tell the truth.” And it seems that since he won’t, now you’re going to “get him” and claim sexual harassment, retaliation, etc. (and possibly get some $$$ out of the deal. I have a hard time with that–you sleep with a married man and now you want to be compensated for it to the tune of a million and a half?) I’m sorry but a man like that doesn’t tell the truth! You should have figured that out when you started sleeping with him, knowing he was MARRIED. Duh! I also don’t buy the “retaliation” claim. You know it’s County policy not to show your tattoos or wear piecings in your nose and you chose to anyway. Getting written up for disobeying County policy is a possible outcome. Where’s the retaliation? Not smart on your part to disobey County policy after revealing that you were sleeping the boss! What did you really expect?
And last, where was your faith when you were sleeping with that married man?
Not buying it..those who live in glass houses. Easy for you to second guess what I have been through. Your opinion means absolutely nothing to me.
It sounds like a plant from the Ramos PR team is trying to shut up the girlfriend who wandered off the reservation. Don’t fall for it Cheryl and don’t anyone else fall for it either. They don’t want his dirty little secrets getting out. It makes for bad political mojo. The people on the inside know that there are two sets of rules in the department. One set for those in favor and one set for those that are not. When you go from one status to another, the rules change. What was ignored when you are the DA’s girlfriend is suddenly not ignored when you break up. It is the uneven application of the rules that creates the harassment.
Ms. Ristow seem to be caching flack. Most likely from men. Sunshine in government is the best disinfectant. I’m sure Ms. Ristow’s attorney is fine with her comments.
Why should she not speak out? Why should the full report of the investigation not be released under the Brown Act? Why should she not blow the whistle on this sort of behavior (the nipple suckling affair in the DA’s office when it was thought Ms. Rostow possibly had breast cancer).
Well, if Cheryl’s escapades (consensual, right) are evidence of Mikey’s libidinous behavior, we have really shed no light on the situation when this behavior is part and parcel for virtually ever other politico/man in a position of power. The blame lies with both parties for the digression. Mikey is being blamed for allowing workplace harassment? Is not being allowed to do things you don’t get paid for (you know, things not in your job description, say shopping, golf, gambling, skiing, whatever…), and then being disciplined for the behavior harassment? That remains to be proven. If this were me, my moral responsibility to illuminate Mikey’s behaviors would be tempered with an action requesting compensation for my soon to be unemployed ass.
It just smells fishy, but I hope for a successful outcome. I already want him out because he doesn’t take the office of District Attorney seriously. If he truly is treating people as you say, then he needs to be ousted.
So it makes it alright because every male politician does it? You are an idiot.
Out with it, out with it I say! Supervisor Derry is the only one that has the sense to request the BOS release the entire Ramos sex report, aka full public disclosure. We The People paid $140K for this report, the public demands a full accounting of Mikey’s PANTS ON THE FLOOR activities involving County employee(s). Shame on you Mikey, shame, shame, shame.
I bet they refuse to release the interviews with the witnesses. They are hiding something and I bet it has to do with a deal they cut with Ramos to not handle their gift cases criminally but rather let the FPPC handle it. This whole thing stinks already. It just keeps getting worse.
I am by no means a Ramos fan, HOWEVER, it takes two to tango. This kind of behavior will not stop until these morally-challenged women stop. Let’s not be naive, most men are secretly worshiping men like DA Ramos for their conquests. Most women cringe at the thought of their husband receiving BJ’s or having drunken sex at one of those overnight conferences with some loose woman they work with. The fact of the matter is, this is reality and everyone in county government knows it. At any rate, Ristow was treated unfairly. It was obviously retaliation, however, she chose to have the affair with the MARRIED philandering weasel. Karma’s a bitch!
She isn’t the DA.
NotBuyingIt, if you are a Deputy DA or attorney somewhere, I might suggest you go look up the term “pretext” and the applie it here. It would appear some really don’t know the elements of retaliation.
I think many have missed the point in Ristow’s claim or what started this.
She was keeping quiet about everything until Ramos’s goons approached her and told here to keep quiet since his other affairs started leaking out. That appears to be the primary reason for this.
Ramos got scared and played the intimidation roll instead of the nice guy approach, it backfired for the most part.
If you have been paying attention the last several months you will also see that Ramos was concerned Erwin might or was going to leak his affairs to the press just before he got arrested.
Comments to Erwin by a couple of witnesses suggesting Erwin keep quiet about Ramos and his affairs if you read Erwins brief’s and moving papers submitted to the Court. BEFORE Erwin’s arrest.
Then you have the rumors floating around Ramos is playing with some members of the BOS and their staff, being pulled into the Grand Jury, more interviews on the Colonies issue, FPPC issues now coming forward, hmmmm????
Ristow,Erwin the BOS, looks like a pattern emerging to me.
And then we have the settled case that involves Deputy DA Grover Merritt and what happened there.
Keeping quiet about all this, JUST what some would like to see. They operate on that premise, except now, THERE are two blogs and a newspaper that won’t hesitate to talk or write about it.
Sounds like a nightmare to me for those corrupt ones.
Had someone been allowed to continue the abusive practices while in the employ of the County, that would have been an HR action waiting to happen. Maybe Neil was trying to hard to clear his name. Come on Cheryl tell the whole story.
Sounds like Scumbag Ellis is writing in. No one except Scumbag would defend that pervert. Even the BOS members know the truth.
Cheryl,
You show your true nature in the comments you’ve made here. Don’t hide behind your faith. Don’t use *that* (your faith) as a shield, when your written words reveal you to be a crass woman.
It takes two to cheat. Mike Ramos isn’t the only guilty party in this situation.
AntiCorruptionUnit,
What’s your vested interest in this? What do you care who Unwilling is? Sounds like you, Bransen Hunter, and Mrs. Ristow are all part of the same political machine.
Hey Ellis, how many posts does Ramos get for $10,000. You aren’t that clever. He should get a discout for these last few. It looks like Ramos isn’t the only man whore.
I don’t know or care who Unwilling is, just another blogger to me. Don’t know Bransen Hunter or Ms. Ristow. No vested interest in any political machine either.
You have a problem with that answer??
DA Insider, not even close. Funny how, if I was Ellis, I would try and point the investigation of our illustrious leader towards his own private fund raising machine, the B of I, and the abuses they are allowed to perpetrate. I find Mikey’s salacious activities atrocious, but if you cant prove it (and by now someone should be able to) you let it go and move on to something with a little more merit.
The abuse of office and the theft of taxpayer dollars by certain individuals will certainly earn him a faster ticket to the retired politicians heap than his alleged forays into the extramarital.